Rainy Wednesday

It's pouring down with rain outside and it's quite chilly (for nearly being summer in Sydney anyway).  The weather is making me think of what it will be like when this baby is born.  It's due in May (it's talking all my concentration not to call it a she yet - I'm totally convinced it's a girl), at the end of Autumn, so it is likely to be cold and rainy.  I think it will be nice to nestle and be cozy with our new baby while the weather whips around outside.  The world can be as cold and miserable as it likes, we'll be warm inside and looking at the rain fall down outside the big glass doors on our new back deck.  I can definitely see us in the new house, on the couch, playing on the floor, feeding in the baby's room, hauling myself from bed multiple times a night woken up by cries.  But I also know it will be nothing like I expect and that nothing can prepare me.
I feel in a strange sort of limbo right now.  I don't think I look fully pregnant yet - I know the last bump pic made me look quite prego, but when I'm in work clothes, it just looks like I have a gut.  The initial excitement of finding out I am pregnant and the bombardment of new information has died down a bit, and I can almost have moments where I forget that I am pregnant.  I almost question if I dreamed it all when I remember.  My urges to tell the entire world about it have died down a bit, and I feel a bit more private and protective about it.
I've had the last day and a half off work, home sick with this tummy bug, and I think I really needed the rest.  I'm still worried that something has happened to the baby, but logically, I know things will be fine.  I have an obstetrician's appointment next week, and Jamie is going to be away for work, so last night I got a bit fretty that if something was wrong, I'd be there on my own.  Again, I logically know everything is fine, but the emotional side is overriding it all.  I think when I start to feel the baby move it will be a lot more comforting and real feeling.  And we find out the sex in mid-December, which will be awesome.  People are so divided on this issue, and feel very strongly about it.  It's their way or you are an idiot.  I personally think that it's a lovely surprise whenever you find out, and nothing will take away from the tsunami of surprise and excitement on the day the baby is born.  I'd rather picture a gender specific future for my baby.